I Asked For Love- Lisa Gerrard

I am so sorry if I did not hear my sweet baby boy! I am so sorry! I think you didn't see and that is my fault! You asked and I was blind! How could I be so blind my baby boy!

Timelapse- Lisa Gerrard

Does not matter the time my love that has lapsed. It is as if it was a second ago! Love you always Mat! See you soon my darling, angel!

The Valley Of The Moon- Lisa Gerrard

Serenity- Lisa Gerrard

Vespars- Lisa Gerrard

Dead Can Dance - The Host Of Seraphim (+playlist)

Lisa Gerrard - The End (amazing cut) (+playlist)

Dead Can Dance "Yulunga" 2005 HD (+playlist)

Lisa Gerrard - Come Tenderness

Lisa Gerrard & Patrick Cassidy Immortal Memory

Always my darling! You will always, always be a part of heart! Forever you exist in every part of my being! You are my blessing and you always shall be! My great protector, living as well as in spirit!

Devotion- Forever To You My Sweet Son

Missing you forever my darling baby boy! Forever in my thoughts, never gone from my heart! Sadness has forever descended over my soul and being! It will never be the same, my heart is broken until the day that we are reunited! God I pray!!!!

Lisa Gerrard & Patrick Cassidy 04 Elegy

Thinking About You Sweet Boy

I think in my heart I am still waiting for you to walk through that door. And I wait and I wait....you will never come back! Never! Everyday I have to smack myself, I say to myself just wake up from this God awful nightmare! 5 months it hasn' t changed, the aching in my heart, it hasn' t stopped and it never will!
How do you make a mothers heart heal, you can't, it never will! I could light a trillion candles for you, it won' t stop the crying and it won't stop this pain.
Never the same, never like when you were here! What the hell were you thinking? That I wouldn't absolutely die without you here? That my heart wouldn't leave the day I lost my son! If you thought I would be fine then you were really, really just not thinking. If you thought I wouldn't loose my mind....something made you so disconnected from my heart, you couldn't come back!
Everyday you occupy my thoughts. No more what ifs. So what the hell if? Who gives a shit anymore, what if's mean nothing! Don't mean a dam thing now huh? If I don't type to cyber heaven I will be right there with you.
Problem with that is in my thoughts, I wonder where that with you is. If we go to heaven when we take our own life, I guess we have it made huh? If not I guess we would be screwed! I've already been that...April 20, 2013. I invested 17 years of love into a son that took 30 minutes to decide that it was OK to leave me!
Dear God in heaven, what if you hadn't? What if????

Sadness

The end comes when we no longer talk with ourselves. It is the end of genuine thinking and the beginning of the final loneliness. The remarkable thing is that the cessation of the inner dialogue marks also the end of our concern with the world around us. It is as if we noted the world and think about it only when we have to report it to ourselves.”
-Eric Hoffer

Your Girl Came To Visit You Tonight

Your baby was here Mat...she came for you again! She always does, of course you know she does! Everytime I see her I realize why it was that you picked her. She is so beautiful and so sweet. Her smile melts your heart as I'm sure you already know baby boy. What a wonderful choice you made we so approved! She was definitely the best one by far!!!! Very mature, with a beautiful personality, we can always see the attraction, it's so easy. You 2 were perfect, absolutely perfect. When I look at the pictures of you and her and you and other girlfriends you had, it's so obvious the reason you said, I am going to marry this one. Wish that could have come true. The look you had in your eyes was love, only love for her, wish you could have been level headed enough to realize all that you had. It was there Mat.
She still comes to be there with you baby, just like we do. That dam tree is so awful in one breath and in another so dam comforting, most likely because that was where you took your last breath. I still sit and I still cry and I still get lost there, lost with thoughts of you. I always feel if I am there I am still with you, even though I know you are everywhere not just there.
I love you my darling Mat, my angel and I know in my heart she was just so much in love with you! I would have taken her in a moment into our family. There are a couple I sure wouldn't have said that about but I am really mad that I will never have the chance to have her become a part of our family. The crazies and the control freaks just weren't your style...THANK GOD!!! Your sweet Ashley, I think that was the one for you....obviously huh?
Adoring you always my darling Mat...I won't forget! And I am pretty sure she never will either! Always good memories Bubba, always!
Love tonight from your 2 girls! <3 <3