The Last Time We Shall See You

  Taking silly pictures, I found them all the time. These have become so very precious now to me. Every single photo that I have taken, they are all we have. The home movies, the silly Facebook videos you made with your friend Mary. They are all I have! All I have!  We have memories of you now, what good are those when all we want is you!
  At the church everyone will come to pay there last respects to you and I will read your last goodbye from us to you. Impossible that any of this is happening, still in shock. Still waiting to see you come through that door, I will always, always be waiting my baby, always! I will never stop waiting I promise you until I see you again in heaven, I will always wait for you. To come to me in my dreams, in my thoughts, in my memories, in my heart, we all will. I won't forget you I promise you and I won't let you be forgotten, I will speak of you as if you are here and acknowledge you as if you are. I cannot let you go. Some will forget, some will never forget, but I promise you with a mothers unconditional love and with all my heart, you will always be on my mind and I will never, ever forget you! Someday we will meet again, I will know you as if you never left my side, I will find you no matter where you are, God has given me the peace to know that, that you are not lost!
  The service is so very beautiful, so many turn out to say goodbye, the last time we will all see your beautiful face. You didn't look terrible baby, honest you didn't just not like we remember you! So I lied just a little. I want to go with you and I cannot stop those thoughts! I want to find you because deep inside I don't want you to be alone anymore. Someday baby we will have forever to talk! Someday! I feel as if I am sinking in a sea of guilt and remorse and I know I can't do that but it is how I feel. The service goes as well as any service goes, crying, crying and more crying and missing you! We are so terribly missing you! The heartbreak is absolutely unbearable at times! No all the time!
  I asked all the kids to write a good bye, whether that be because they are really mad or whatever they want to say and they all do! Letters by the dozen go with you forever. I hope you were with each of them as they wrote them, it came from their hearts! They will really miss you so! You made such an impact on so many lives, wish you could have seen how much! The girls they loved you, you had your choice but felt as if you had only one. I always told you there were many fish in the sea, and yours was waiting just for you somewhere.
  Goodbye our beloved son Mathew Jacob Riley, may God be with you always, may he have understanding and compassion for a child that in a single bad moment in his life chose to take his own life. May he be as forgiving as we know him to be and may he see all the goodness you brought into this world from your first breath until your last! We say our last goodbye to a kind, sweet, loving, forgiving, compassionate and understanding young man. A young man I am so very proud I got to call, MY SON! You will always, always be at the top of the greatest moments in my life, the one when I brought you into this world and the first time I saw your precious face. I am so very blessed to have carried you for 9 months and so blessed to have gone through all the labor to bring you into this world, not a second would your father or I ever trade for anything in this world! A God send, a gift from Heaven above. You are forever with us my darling and we will never forget you. Please don't forget us, come to us when we are sad and remind us of all that you were to us! Missing you forever and ever! My sweet precious baby, we are lost without you! To the heavens above, all our love!