It's my birthday and all I can think about is you and where you are. That you are OK. That would be the best present of all time, if I only knew my sweet angel was safe! I miss you so very much my darling boy! Today is an awful, awful, awful birthday......I shall NEVER hear your sweet voice say ever again, mama I love you so much, happy birthday! You are forever in my heart my sweet love. To me there are no birthdays, no matter how hard I wished my dream will NEVER, EVER come true! My wish is only to have you! So no more birthdays for me. I cannot even acknowledge that they exist anymore, because you do not exist anymore! So today is January 12th and it is only January 12th! Just a Sunday! Just another day! My celebration of the day of my birth will happen no more. In my heart it cannot. Maybe someday that pain will subside, I do not know. The only thing that keeps me going is your memories and keeping them and your name alive! I will always, always remember to say your name and to talk about you and to never let people forget who you were. A beautiful soul that walked this earth and because of that made my life and the life of others all the more worth living! I dreamed of you last night! You were cuddled up next to me and talking to me, I cannot remember what you said no matter how hard I try and that makes me sad. We talked and talked and you laid next to me. Was that my conscious soothing my soul and my heart knowing I needed you at that exact moment or was it just another dream? I only know you were at peace and so was I. That made me smile. Yet this morning I woke crying for you again. Of course I went to bed with tears in my eyes AGAIN!! Life is so hard my son now, it is just so, so hard! It is a battle, especially now. I have never in all my years found it to be so much a battle as it is now. So if I was to have a wish, it would only be that you are with God and all the angels, safe and at peace and at rest. That is what torments my soul the very most everyday, every hour and every moment. My wish is for your peace!
Loving you eternally, Mama!
Loving you eternally, Mama!
