Friday, June 28, 2013

On Death

On Death

Then Almitra spoke, saying, We would ask now of death.

And he said:

You would know the secret of death. But how shall you find it unless you seek it in the heath of life? The owl whose night-bound eyes are blind unto the day cannot unveil the mystery of light. If you would indeed behold the spirit of death, open your heart wide unto the body of life. For life and death are one, even as
 the river and sea are one.

In the depth of your hopes and desires lies your silent knowledge of the beyond; and like seeds dreaming beneath the snow your heart dreams of spring. Trust the dreams, for in them is hidden the gate to eternity.

Your fear of death is but the trembling of the shepherd when he stands before the king whose hand is to be laid upon him in honor. Is the shepherd not joyful beneath his trembling, that he shall wear the mark of the king? Yet is he not more mindful of his trembling?

For what is it to die but to stand naked in the wind and to melt into the sun? And what is it to cease breathing, but to free the breath from its restless tides, that it may rise and expand and seek God unencumbered?

Only when you drink from the river of silence shall you indeed sing. And when you have reached the mountain top, then you shall begin to climb. And when the earth shall claim your limbs, then shall you truly dance.

The Prophet
Kahlil Gibran

Go Ahead

Go ahead and mention my child, 
The one who died, you know.
Don't worry about hurting me further, 
The depth of my pain doesn't show.

Don't worry about making me cry.
I'm already crying inside.
Help me to heal by releasing
The tears that I try to hide.

I'm hurt when you just keep silent, 
Pretending he didn't exist.
I'd rather you mention my child,
Knowing that he has been missed.

You asked me how I was doing.
I say "pretty good" or "fine."
But healing is something ongoing.
I feel it will take a lifetime.

~Elizabeth Dent 

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

4th Fireworks At Rachael's...You Loved These

Love you more baby boy! This would have been your job, you were the wonderful photographer. Hope you could see them from up there! xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Wednesday, June 19, 2013

The House Is Empty Now

The house is empty now, and so am I.
The silence is all around me
and penetrates my every step.
If I listen to music, it pierces my soul
and brings up tears on its way out.

I see his picture on several walls,
giving a momentary glow
to days gone by, filling those rooms
with love’s reflections, as I pass through.

I go out and return, but the routine and the voices
beyond this place cannot come back with me.
I am stripped and searched at the door,
humbled as I lean upon the entrance way.
I may only take the emptiness in. 

That doesn’t seem necessary,
since it abides here anyway.
The house is empty now,
and so am I.

~Reverend William E. Gramley 

Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Forget Me Not

Forget me not, 
For I am there
In the beat of your heart,
On the wing of your prayer.

Forgive me my parting
And leaving you thus;
A joyous reunion
Is waiting for us!

Continue to strive
Toward your goal and be brave;
Know that my love
Didn't stop at the grave.

My spirit is with you 
Through good times and bad;
I share all the joys 
And the sorrows you've had.

Feel my presence 
Within your next breath,
And realize
There's no distance in death.

Ask for my help
And I'll answer your call;
Reach for my hand 
When you stumble and fall.

Run the last mile
With a smile on your face;
My arms will be waiting 
When you finish the race.

Always remember,
My love is right there--
In the beat of your heart,
On the wing of your prayer.

~Author Unknown

Friday, June 7, 2013

I Refuse

I refuse to allow his manner of death to define how he lived...
He Loved! Greatest words I have read on this journey out of my own personal hell! My baby still lives on always in my heart and my soul! I will never allow anyone to define who he was by what choice he made...ever! When Mat lived he loved more than any individual I know! My sweet, sweet love!

Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Mat And Travis

Love This picture of you 2! Silly boys!
I used to be so happy seeing you and your buddy and best friend Travis together. I remember you saying to me mom, he is just like me, we really like the same things and we make each other laugh, we just have a really good time hanging out. I was so happy for you my son. You 2 were inseparable at times, where Mat was Travis was and vice versa.
When you died my son, you took a part of him with you. You took a part of a lot of people but you really hurt his heart and when you left him here struggling it was almost unbearable as well! Now I got to once again sit back and see another heart harmed by this dam thing called SUICIDE, aka torment of the soul!
The effects of this single act has hurt and harmed more hearts than I would have ever imagined. At times I feel as if I can't breathe, as if I am suffocating with the pain of this loss, I can only wonder how it feels to one day have your best friend ripped right out from under your heart and to be left with no explanation, especially someone that shares everything with you! And life moves on, days go by and still you are not here to share things with! We just pray and talk and hope in our hearts that you hear us and you are with us when we cry!

Tuesday, June 4, 2013

I'll Be Missing You!

Intro: puff daddy 

Every day I wake up 
I hope I'm dreaming 
I can't believe this shit 
Cant believe you ain't here 
Sometimes it's just hard for a nigga to wake up 
Its hard to just keep going 
Its like I feel empty inside without you being here 
I would do anything man, to bring you back 
Id give all this shit, shit the whole knot 
I saw your son today 
He look just like you 
You was the greatest 
You'll always be the greatest 
I miss you big 
Cant wait till that day, when I see your face again 
I can't wait till that day, when I see your face again... 

Yeah... this right here (tell me why) 
Goes out, to everyone, that has lost someone 
That they truly loved (cmon, check it out) 

Verse one: puff daddy 

Seems like yesterday we used to rock the show 
I laced the track, you locked the flow 
So far from hanging on the block for dough 
Notorious, they got to know that 
Life ain't always what it seem to be (uh-uh) 
Words can't express what you mean to me 
Even though you're gone, we still a team 
Through your family, I'll fulfill your dream (that's right) 
In the future, can't wait to see 
If you open up the gates for me 

Reminisce some time, the night they took my friend (uh-huh) 
Try to black it out, but it plays again 
When it's real, feelings hard to conceal 
Cant imagine all the pain I feel 
Give anything to hear half your breath (half your breath) 
I know you still living your life, after death 

Chorus: faith evans 

Every step I take, every move I make 
Every single day, every time I pray 
Ill be missing you 
Thinking of the day, when you went away 
What a life to take, what a bond to break 
Ill be missing you 

[puff] I miss you big 

Verse two: puff daddy 

Its kinda hard with you not around (yeah) 
Know you in heaven smiling down (eheh) 
Watching us while we pray for you 
Every day we pray for you 
Till the day we meet again 
In my heart is where I'll keep you friend 
Memories give me the strength I need (uh-huh) to proceed 
Strength I need to believe 
My thoughts big I just can't define (cant define) 
Wish I could turn back the hands of time 
Us in the 6, shop for new clothes and kicks 
You and me taking flicks 
Making hits, stages they receive you on 
I still can't believe you're gone (cant believe you're gone) 
Give anything to hear half your breath (half your breath) 
I know you still living you're life, after death 

Monday, June 3, 2013

How long will the pain last?

How long will the pain last? ' a broken hearted mourner
asked me. 'All the rest of your Life.'
I have to answer truthfully.

We never quite forget. No matter how many
years pass, we remember.

The loss of a loved one is like a major operation.
Part of us is removed, and we have a scar
for the rest of our lives.
As years go by, we manage.

There are things to do, people to care for, tasks that
call for full attention.
But the pain is still there, not far below the surface.

We see a face that looks familiar,
hear a voice that echoes, see a photograph in someone's
album, see a landscape that once we saw together, and it
seems as though a knife were in the wound again.

But not so painfully
And mixed with joy too
Because remembering a happy time is not all sorrow
it brings happiness with it

How long will the pain last?
All the rest of your life
But the things to remember is that
not only the pain will last but,
the blessed memories as well

Tears are proof of life
the more love, the more tears
If this be true, then how could we ever ask
That pain cease all together
For then the memory of love would go with it
the pain of grief is the price we pay for love! 

Sunday, June 2, 2013

Mat My Precious Son

It is a song "Precious Child" by Karen Taylor Good.

In my dreams, you are alive and well
Precious child, precious child
In my mind, I see you clear as a bell
Precious child, precious child
In my soul, there is a hole
That can never be filled
But in my heart, there is hope
'Cause you are with me still

In my heart, you live on
Always there never gone
Precious child, you left too soon
Tho' it may be true that we're apart
You will live forever... in my heart

In my plans, I was the first to leave
Precious child, precious child
But in this world, I was left here to grieve
Precious child, my precious child

In my soul, there is a hole
That can never be filled
But in my heart there is hope
And you are with me still

In my heart you live on
Always there, never gone
Precious child, you left too soon,
Tho' it may be true that we're apart
You will live forever... in my heart

God knows I want to hold you,
See you, touch you
And maybe there's a heaven
And someday I will again
Please know you are not forgotten until then

In my heart you live on
Always there never gone
Precious child, you left too soon
Tho' it may be true that we're apart
You will live forever... in my heart

Saturday, June 1, 2013


Perhaps one day we’ll understand
Why God decided to take your hand
And lead you into Heaven above
Surrounded by His tender love.

Never does a day pass by
That we don’t ask the question"Why?"
Why did God take our precious son?
Was it something we had done?
We hope to face the Lord one day
And ask Him why you couldn’t stay
On earth with those who loved you so,
Those who wanted to see you grow.

We mourn for the things that will not be,
For the things with you, we'll never see,
The fun and games we'll never share,
For special times when you won't be there.

No more to see your smiling face,
Nothing will ever take your place.
In our hearts you will always stay,
While we await that "One Sweet Day."

That "One Sweet Day" in Heaven above,
Where we will meet and affirm our love.
Once more our arms will hold you tight,
As in God's presence we'll reunite.

Until that day, we must live our lives
Ensuring each memory of you survives,
And feel your presence, ever near,
Each time we shed a painful tear.

"See you in Heaven," you'll hear us say,
As you watch over us every day,
Then when our lives on earth are done,
We know you'll be the one to come.

You'll take us gently by the hand,
And lead us to God's Heavenly land,
Where all together we will be
Our, once more, happy family.

~Bea Brunton