One Song!

I'm Still Standing!

After all these months I am still here! Most days are unbearable. But on we must go. Not remembering, not  my option in this situation. I remember everyday! I now kind of do this deflective behavior I guess in my mind. When the pain becomes overwhelming, those days when sweat runs down my brow, and I begin to panic, I move into the place in my mind where thoughts are different, happy, and my soul is at peace. They are always of my darling son, just not those destructive thoughts. Peaceful images where I see him smiling, playing, being mischievous! Laughing, sleeping. How I loved to watch my babies sleep! Their beautiful, peaceful faces. You wonder what are you dreaming of my angel? Why are you smiling so? Are the angels still singing to you? Never does a mother see her child's face anywhere except for in nightmares, cold, lifeless, and without breath. Nor did God ever plan that for us to as mothers I would imagine! Days it seems as if I am the man that is so small being crushed by the shoe. Some days it is easy to push that weight away, on others I am almost over taken! The weight of grief is always heavy, but some days it feels as if it is a million trillion pounds! Exhausting and overwhelming! Over taking me! Never is it relentless. So many triggers. So much meaning to so many simple things can bring tears to these eyes the last 18 months! I can pick a line from a song, an entire song, a wind that catches me of guard. A sunrise, a sunset! In everything, I see him in it all! I see him in it ALL!!!!

Everything I Own - Bread

I would give everything I own, just to have you back again! <3

Grief Is

Those They Left Behind Interviews By Karen Mueller Bryson, Ph.D.

                                           
                                                  Those-They-Left-Behind-Interviews

It Is Our Heart That Aches

When Someone Tells You To Move On...

A Limb Has Fallen....

I'll Be Okay!

My Heart Will Stop Beating

Celine Dion - The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face (music & lyrics)

You Went Away

You went away in early spring
Just as the birds began to sing,
When snow still lay upon the ground,
And robins could nowhere be found.

And we went walking through the snow
To find the place your grave would go,
With wooden hearts and clouded thoughts
Of all the pain this day had brought.

I heard the crunching sound our feet
Made in the snow which was not deep;
My thoughts were jumbled...rambling...wild;
How could it be we'd lost our child?

How could it be when you're not grown
You have to God already flown?
No answers came to soothe my soul,
Which from that day will ne'er be whole.

The earth has circled many times
Since first I heard those mournful chimes
And seasons come and seasons go,
Though still my heart's oft filled with woe.

Looking back, I realize
Death took the sparkle from my eyes,
Bedimmed them both with pain and tears,
To suffer many lonely years.

That sense of loss is with me still
As I stand upon this ghostly hill
Where you and other children lie
In silent sleep beneath the sky.

And yet I know you lie not there;
Your soul can travel everywhere!
And someday you will come for me
And take me where I long to be.
I love you for eternity!

Saralyn McAfee Smith

The Unique Grief Of Suicide By Tom Smith

http://gapines.org/eg/opac/record/5629200?query=unique%20grief;qtype=title;locg=111

Because Of You I Didn't Give Up!

Memories

Here And There

For the Suicide Survivor: Messages of Hope

Don't You Dare!

Ways To Honor Your Child

 


                                     http://stillstandingmag.com/ways-to-honor-your-child/

I Seem To Be Falling Apart!

I am a Suicide Survivor: Here’s what I wish everyone knew about those suffering from mental illness

           
                                 http://www.marycurranhackett.com/need-talk-depression/

Breaking The Silence About Suicide Grief& Family Survivors

       http://www.drchristinahibbert.com/breaking-the-silence-about-suicide-grief-family-survivors/

Child Suicide, Chasing Death, Losing A Child To Suicide, Support

                                                 
                                                       http://www.childsuicide.org/

The Aftermath

                                                         http://www.spsamerica.org/ 

20/20 Suicide Survivor

Kay Redfield Jamison on Understanding Suicide

Life After Suicide

JD Schramm: Break the silence for suicide survivors

No Time To Say Goodbye: Carla Fine

The Suicide Survivors Affirmation