Tuesday, April 15, 2014

If You Could Only Imagine

You say it's time for me to "move on" in my grief. Perhaps you're 
right or perhaps you just don't realize what you're asking. So, why 
don't you try this little exercise and maybe it will help you get a 
better perspective on what I am going through. 

To make this really hit home for you it should be practiced for at 
least 24 hours; the longer the better. Don't blow this off as a 
stupid idea. It works along the same lines as blindfolding yourself 
to experience being without sight. 

First of all, think about your child. Now imagine that child is gone. 
Whatever age or stage of development, whether he or she lives with 
you or not, 
just imagine you won't ever see that child on earth again. Call all 
your family and friends and tell them your child died. 

Next, go to a funeral home and discuss caskets, markers, burial 
plots, etc. Pick out a favorite outfit for your child to be buried 
in. Sit down and write out the obituary for the newspaper. Get in the 
floor or closet and cry until there are no more tears. Then repeat 
until you think you're losing your mind. 

If you made it through that part you are ready for the next step. 

During all of this remember, the world hasn't stopped. If you have a 
job, you will have to return to it. The power company and everyone 
else still wants their payment each month. You may have doctor's 
bills, ambulance bills, and attorney fees if an accident was 
involved. If your child died at the hands of another, there will be a 
trial and publicity. 

If you were blessed to have other children, you will have to deal 
with their grief as well as your own. They will still have homework, 
tests, reports, projects and the class bully. 

Next comes the "firsts". Birthday, anniversary of death, Christmas, 
etc.When everyone is singing tra-la-la and jingle bells, you won't 
be. Your heart will be too heavy. The hurt will be so intense you 
will marvel if you can get out of bed each morning. Every morning 
when you take your other children to school you'll be reminded that 
you AREN'T taking one too. You'll see their friends going on with 
their lives and it will cut you to the quick. When they all graduate 
from kindergarten, middle school, etc., your child won't. 
When you start getting wedding invitations in the mail for these 
other children, you'll be reminded again of your loss. 

Don't forget that when you go shopping you'll see things that you 
wanted to buy for your deceased child. You'll see places the two of 
you USED to go. 

At home when you prepare a favorite meal of the child who is gone, it 
won't taste the same to you. The pictures, cards they made for you or 
sent you, toys and other possessions of your baby will be both 
harmful and helpful. They are a link to the past, a way to remember 
more about what you've lost and at the same time they are a link to 
the past and a way to remember more about what you've lost. 

Funny, huh? That family portrait you were always so proud of? Well, 
it will take on a whole new meaning now. 

Didn't mean to ask too much of you. Believe it or not I could write 
dozens of other things for you to imagine. Fortunately for you, it's 
only an exercise. I live it every day. 

IF you have the guts to stick it out - this little experiment - 
Congratulations. I don't think you will be so quick to utter those 
words now. Not if you really did imagine

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