Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Jocelyn's Goodbye To You My Darling

  What a beautiful letter written for you Mathew, I really hope you hear it! And I hope you see that out of her pain she still managed to send a message of great love for you! How her heart is broken and how badly she misses you. How kindly she can speak of you to others no matter what has been done! How lucky you were, if you would have only reached out!  She shouldn't have to do this! You shouldn't have made her cry like this! How very unfair of you! She loved you so much and you have broken her heart, you have broken all of our hearts and I am so angry with you right now! How dare you break the love that you had between you 2. How dare you take away from her something she can never have back, her brothers love! You were so close, so very close, and I am actually talking like I am talking to you! God give me strength I have none left!
Your sister wrote for you this beautiful goodbye;
Romans 14:8
For if we live, we live to the Lord, and if we die, we die to the Lord. So then, whether we live or whether we die, we are the Lords.
Mathew Jacob Riley, Our son, our brother, our friend. How do we allow ourselves to say goodbye to you? You made a choice and through your decision we can only believe you are in a better place now. I know the next time i see you again you will be weightless of the burdens and pain of this life. You will smile at me and it will be like we were never apart. We have to remember that in this life the only thing that is certain is death. I only hope that everyone before me today can say as i can that i have no regrets for my time with Mathew. Though our time together is not as long as i would have wanted it to be, i know it was sincere and special. Love and respect those you have in front of you each day. For we all have our own struggles and no one mans pain is exactly like another's. Each person that walks into our lives leaves a foot print. Let my sweet brothers imprint upon our heart be one of happiness, just as he was. Let us not remember the details of his death, but the greatness of his life. I will cherish every moment i ever spent with you. You were one of the greatest joys of my life. Being 10 years older than you i always wanted to protect you and treat you like my own son. Spoil you, guide you, love you. You taught me what it was to love as though i was a mother. I'll never forget your white hair, bright blue eyes and red lips running around the house in only your diaper. You loved your bottles and sippy cups so much as a child we nicknamed you bubba. There will never be another man like you. Every where you went people would say how kind you were. How funny, how sweet. Only you could make any bad day, good. You always had such an innocent humor, the stupidest things would make us laugh and that's what i loved most about you. The true measure of a man is one that does for those that can do absolutely nothing for him. That was the kind of man my brother was. Always a friend, a genuine heart and an uplifting soul. He never judged or put others down. Instead he listened with an open mind and offered a hand up. He never cared about money or material possessions. He only cared about the memories that could be made from nothing. I was your older sister but i looked up to you in many ways and the man that you were becoming. You stood up for what you believed in and you feared nothing.
Revelation 21:4
And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain. for those things have passed away.

Maybe we didn't have as much time as we wanted with you, but i would rather have had 17 great years than nothing. Thank you for being a part of my life. Sometimes people aren't meant to stay in our lives, but instead to touch them. Let us not cry that we don't have you, but rather smile for what we did have of you. Today not only am i losing my brother and a best friend but i lose a piece of my heart and soul that i'll never get back. You took more than just yourself when you left us. We may not ever understand your reasons, but it is not up to us to understand. We will respect it because it was your decision. Today we lay your body to rest, while your spirit lives on in peace. I ask that each of us take one piece of my brother with us today. His compassion for other people. Let us treat one another with love and understanding. Because you never know, behind the most beautiful smile may hide the deepest pain.

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