Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Journey Of Our Broken Hearts

Unfortunately on April 20,2013, our family began a journey that has forever changed our lives because of the abuse by our 16 year old son of synthetic marijuana. He ended his life that day due to the abuse of this evil,evil drug..Our family will never be the same! Our hearts will never be whole again! The evening before he committed suicide he had stopped at a party with a few "friends" and they said he only took a
 few hits off a joint of this poison. Hours later he hung himself in our back yard in our tree!  Our son had just 4 days before admitted to having smoked synthetic marijuana for a year prior to April 20th to his drug counselor. They had just refused to admit him to inpatient therapy saying "he doesn't qualify!" The week prior to his death we begged to have him committed due to a suicide attempt when he ran out of our garage with rope and said, "I just want to die!" He had always appeared high,really high, but all urine tests were always negative, negative, and more negative. Week after week we watched as our son went from a joyful, sweet young man, that we were so absolutely proud of to a raging, angry human being. Very withdrawn, depressed and at times even extremely paranoid. He knew that we knew but as he continued to pass the tests and blame his reddened eyes on "allergies", we knew something just wasn't right.
When our son passed away April 20, 2013 we had everyone and every organization we could get a hold of involved with him. All for the sake of saving our sweet baby boy. Everyone from the school,every department. They failed him and us !We called Children's Services of Mercer County Pennsylvania,out of desperation and got them involved with our family, The police were at our home frequently. Our son Mathew often  threw raging fits and I as a small and average height woman was terrified of him and to be alone with him. He raged one time and had raised a bar stool up as if he was going to break it over my head,, my own baby looked at me with eyes that would terrify my very soul! From that point on i feared that if pushed to the right point or any point he would snap and I would be killed by him. We called for help hoping we could get him to go to a treatment facility but without his permission and acceptance he could not be made to enter treatment..In Pennsylvania at the age of 14 they can choose to ruin and destroy their own lives in any way shape or form. But if they miss 10 days of school and they don't have an excuse, the parents can go to jail! In 2011 due to Mathews abuse of marijuana, prior to using the synthetic marijuana or maybe he was using then to, he missed 75 days of school! It was as we look back, the beginning of the end. A once vibrant, athletic, outgoing boy who held the state record for pole vaulting in the state and county. Who had a brown belt in Karate and was the absolute joy and light of our families lives. My very best friend and keeper of my soul,my baby boy, last of 5 children, left this earth because of a girlfriend of 3 months. Conveniently, that evening someone had passed along information to him, "the very same friend" who turned him onto synthetic marijuana, so he could pass urine tests and not have it be detected, informed him his girlfriend was out with supposedly several other guys behind his back. He told our son she was a slut and made him so angry that he left the party and ended up after arguing with her for several hours, taking pictures of himself, making a video of his last minutes on earth. He then tied a noose around his neck and jumped off our bench to his death. Severed his carotid artery instantly. Even if we would have got to him instantly, we could not have saved our son!!!! 
Forever we will be missing our baby boy, life will never be the same for any of us.
We have to put a stop to this drug, somehow, someway this has to be stopped! We cannot as parents except anything less then annihilation of this toxic substance! I will continue to push for whatever laws I can in the name of our son who was forever changed by synthetic marijuana! We have to push to educate these children,If only 1 can be saved, all would be a blessing, 1 more still a blessing! The real killer is not what you buy in the back alleys or behind a garage in the projects or on the corner, you buy it at your local convenience store!

                                                           Glorious, joyful, blessed day! 
                                                                The day of you birth!                                
                                                                    May 9, 1996

                              Home from the hospital with your family and cuddling with your big sister!
                                                Beautiful little sweet angel, mamas babies!
                                             So blessed 2 brothers and 2 sisters to love you so!

                                            First Birthday! Growing so fast! Sweet memories!
                                 Well you know they loved yah so! One manned the camera and the 
                                               other made sure you didn't get away! Sisters!
                                              Our silly bubba! Our little man! Love of our lives!  
7 years old and you have forever captured our hearts and souls! We adored you!

 The final picture that you have left us with all because of a drug! The reason we cry, the reason our hearts our broken! The reason our lives are forever changed...............synthetic marijuana! What a high!

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